2 AM

It’s 2AM and I’m awake. Not because I want to be, for sure. I had a toothache on Monday, so I called the dentist. I went in on Tuesday, at 11, and they said, “Wisdom teeth need to be pulled.”

They sent me to the oral surgeon and by 4pm, I had 3 less teeth. That was a real weird experience. Pliers in my mouth, one good yank and out comes my tooth. For $205 a tooth. I’m really not kidding.
I actually had the thought afterward, couldn’t this just be done at home? You know, in your garage or something.

Did I mention I’ve been taking Vicodin ever since? That probably explains that last comment. Sorry.
So I slept all day yesterday and now I can’t sleep anymore.
It’s 2 AM, I have to take care of my kids tomorrow. I better give sleep one more try.

One begins

Growing up, I had a sister. She was just over a year older than me, and we were always together. We shared friends, we walked to school every day together, we rode bikes together, her on her pink huffy with the banana seat and me on a blue dirt bike, and we even shared a room. Which, by the way, neither of us favored. Although, oddly enough, we really missed when we were in high school and moved to a bigger house where we finally had our own rooms. It was like the Brady Bunch though, a bathroom in between, so it was often left open so we could still do our “sister thang”.

After I had Lilla, I knew I wanted her to have a sister. I couldn’t imagine her growing up without that special connection that sisters have. I have had many a friend without a sister and they have often tried to build that same bond with my sister and I, but unfortunately, it’s not the same. Then, I’ve had other friends with a sister, which they are unable to get along with or forge any type of relationship with. I think that is just plain sad. It’s like God has given them a friend for life, and it’s never materialized.
Anyway, I really hoped Lilla would have that bond and friendship that is so rare in this life with a sister. When I found out Anna was a girl, I was really so happy for both of them. I love that they are going to get the experience of someone with them their whole life through. Shared experience, shared homes, shared lives.
So, all that to say, this picture I took the other day, just makes my heart go pitter patter. I love the hug, the expression and the closeness of the two, wearing the same shirt, where you can’t tell where one begins and the other ends. Just beautiful.


Lilla told me today she wants to be an entomologist

As in, the study of bugs

She said she wants to hold them, study them and then teach others about them
I told her to reach for her dreams

And, I have a feeling she will!

Everything changes

Ten years ago I had just recently graduated from college and was working as a social worker in a low income preschool, my first “real job” so to speak. I wasn’t married and I was sharing an apartment with my older sister, Erika, in Indianapolis.
We felt pretty safe back then, we were young girls, living in an up and coming city. Lots to see and do, we enjoyed the nightlife, and all the craziness that came with it. I also travelled a lot at that time. My friends and I thought nothing of getting in the car and driving to Chicago, New York, Tennessee, and even California. The world was our playground.
Then, a day came that changed everything for all of us. September 11, 2001, I had only worked a few hours that morning and entered my apartment to my phone ringing. I said, “Hello” and my heard my friend, Travis’ voice on the other end of the line saying, “What are you doing? TURN ON YOUR TV!!!” I was a little thrown off, but just flipped it on anyway. Almost immediately after turning on the tv, the towers began to crumble.
I had just recently been to New York and the image of my friend and I at the statue of Liberty with the towers in the background flashed in my head. I just couldn’t believe it, questions came, Travis, of course, had no answers, we just sat on the phone saying, “How? What? Why?” over and over again.
My sister came home and we sat up all night, watching the news, people crying, facts being found out, reports of survivors, praying for hope…it just never seemed to end. We were driving under a bridge in Indy when we saw a man waving a huge flag back and forth, back and forth…we will never know who he was, but we felt one with him.
We knew things began to change in those days. And, as those days turned into weeks and then months and now, 9 years, things most certainly have changed. We are always alert, no longer a sense of complete comfort, more reserved with ourselves and amongst strangers, wishing for the luxury of a sense of security. Never fully finding it.
Yes, everything changed that day.

Me and My Shadow

Me and my shadow

Strolling down the avenue

Oh, me and my shadow

Not a soul could bust this team in two

Yesterday, Today

Yesterday I brought you home from the hospital.

Today you started kindergarten.
Yesterday my body supplied all the nourishment you needed.
Today you shared goldfish with the other kids.
Yesterday you felt so light, placed right in my arms.
Today you pulled my arms so tight, I thought I might fall over.
Yesterday I cried as I looked at you for the first time.
Today I cried just letting you go.

Wordless Wednesday

My one year old’s reaction to my 4 year old’s get up = priceless!

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